Are you guilty of conversational narcissism? It's a subtle yet insidious behavior that can leave you feeling drained and undervalued. In this article, we'll explore the signs of conversational narcissism and how to recognize it in yourself and others. We'll also delve into the underlying causes and potential solutions, offering insights into how to navigate these conversations more effectively.
The Shift Response
One of the most common signs of conversational narcissism is the 'shift response'. This is when someone monopolizes the conversation and shifts the focus away from the person speaking and onto themselves. For example, if you share a struggle, instead of asking a follow-up question, they immediately shift the story to themselves. 'I know exactly how you feel, my week was even crazier...'. This can make you feel like your experiences are being erased.
The 'Wait-To-Speak' Stare
Sometimes, conversational narcissism is less about what someone says and more about how they listen. They become disinterested as soon as the conversation shifts away from what they want to talk about. You can often detect this in their face. They may ask a question, but as soon as you begin to answer, their attention drifts, their eyes glaze over, or the conversation quickly shifts back to them. This can feel less like interest and more like they're gathering material to bring the focus back to themselves.
Constant One-Upping
Another sign of conversational narcissism is 'one-upping'. This is when someone tries to make themselves look better than you or to put you down. It feels like a competitive sport. If you have good news, they have better news. It can make you feel like your experiences are being erased. The conversational narcissist's problems or victories are always bigger or more important than anyone else's.
Making The Other Person Feel Drained
The most reliable and consistent sign of conversational narcissism is how you feel when talking to them. You may feel exhausted, icky, overwhelmed, or devalued. Conversational narcissists have a way of railroading you, so after you're done talking to them, you often feel like you need to purge yourself from all the negativity or take a nap. They monopolize the conversation. Everything goes back to them. You're not allowed to have a voice. They interrupt you constantly.
Attention-Seeking And Approval-Seeking
Conversational narcissists want your attention and agreement. They're often looking not to have you challenge them but to simply agree with them, adore them, and applaud them. If you find someone doesn't respond well when you challenge what they say or express something inconsistent with their point of view, it might be a case of conversational narcissism. They are attention-seeking. They are approval-seeking. They are grandstanding.
The Root of Conversational Narcissism
Conversational narcissism can stem from deep insecurity, a lack of social muscles, or different family or cultural norms. It can also reflect a preoccupation with their own needs and an inability to connect with others in a genuine way. Some people may try to bring the conversation back to themselves as a point of connection or as a way to bond, while others may do it to calm their nerves and feel like they are fitting in more.
Navigating Conversational Narcissism
If you're trying to figure out whether you or someone in your life is a conversational narcissist, listen to your instincts. If you feel drained instead of connected, that's a huge clue. Trust your gut. And remember, it's not about being hurtful; it's about a bad habit that can be addressed with awareness and empathy.
